The Best-Case Scenario Handbook

Stanley Bing

Sun Tzu Was a Sissy: Conquer Your Enemies, Promote Your Friends, and Wage the Real Art of War

A hilarious and tough-minded guide to winning the war of contemporary life. The Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu taught that readiness is all, that knowledge of oneself and the enemy was the foundation of strength, and that those who fight best are those who are prepared and wise enough not to fight at all. Unfortunately, in the current day, this approach is pretty much horse hockey. Sun Tzu was a Sissy will transcend all those efforts and teach the reader how to make war, win, and enjoy the plunder in the real world, where those who do not kick, gouge, and grab are left behind at the table to pay the tab. Students of Bing will be taught how to plan and execute battles that hurt other people a lot, and advance their flags and those of their friends.

Matt Groening

Simpsons Comics Madness!

From the madcap mind of Matt Groening comes the kookiest collection of Simpsons Comics yet! Outrageous tales from the ridiculous to the bizarre fill every page with the classic comedy you have come to expect from The Simpsons . The master of mayhem, Matt Groening, will drive you berserk with this crazy collection of crackpot comics. Find out what bizarre secrets lie in the bowels of the Kwik-E-Mart, but beware the effects of the Squishie brain freeze. Witness the outrageous events that take place when Bart manages to have all the teachers deported at Springfield Elementary and they are replaced by substitutes - Lisa and Martin. Watch Krusty the Clown turn the town upside-down with his new Krustyburger spokesman. See Bart go from zany to brainy as he attempts to outwit, outlast and outlive both the dramatic return of his arch-nemesis Sideshow Bob and a near-fatal fling into the future. Then, it is Homer's turn to put his life on the line in the most dangerous game show ever invented. Simpsons Comics Madness will have you bouncing off the walls with insane fits of laughter.

Stanley Bing

100 Bullshit Jobs... and How to Get Them

What do being a feng shui advisor, marketing consultant, and vice president of the United States have in common? The inimitable Stanley Bing presents a tasteful pile of these and other bullshit jobs, and explains how to snag one for yourself. From bestselling author and business guru Stanley Bing comes an indispensable guide for the contemporary working person--specifically, a worker who is ambitious, greedy, and lazy. In his helpful, witty, straight-shooting style, Bing, who based his entire career and several bestselling books on his own very special brand of bullshit, guides the reader through a plethora of bullshit jobs that pay well and demand very little knowledge or effort. Walmart greeters, executive headhunters, aromatherapists: The people lucky enough to have secured this type of bullshit employment are everywhere, in virtually every field--from ayurvedic healing to zoo management. Bing's handy reference explains the myriad benefits of such bullshit ways to earn a living, and details steps readers should take to land a bullshit job of their own.